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US & INTERNATIONAL SOURCES

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​The day I knew my daughter was my son
Sarah Kennedy Coaching. Blog post. (US)

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Does your kid want to change her pronouns? Read this.

By Tracey Moore.  The Washington Post, Opinion section, Oct 4, 2021.  (US)

"I can’t pinpoint exactly when it started, but sometime in the past month, my 11-year-old daughter started talking about pronouns and identities.

    And when it felt frustrating and urgent for her to sort out, I told her it was absolutely okay to let all this marinate, evolve and emerge for her and her friends on their timeline. And when those friends visiting us tell me their preferred pronouns, I use them. And when I slip up, I apologize and correct it.

    We haven’t come to any conclusions here, but that doesn’t change what I would tell any parent, boss, teacher or colleague: Just buckle up and deal with it. Sure, it’s not automatic, and that’s okay. But it’s not going away.

.....this isn’t about you. It’s about stepping up as a parent in an era that’s new for all of us, but doubly delicate for our children, who need us to support their latest haircut as much as we would the person they’re becoming — whoever that person may be."

 

Epic fails as an LGBTQ+ parent
Sarah Kennedy Coaching. Blog post. (US)
“There are unique aspects of being the parent or supporter of an LGBTQIA+ child. Whether we like it or not, there are situations, conversations and challenges unique to us. And there is additional learning that must be done in order for us to approach these areas with knowledge and skill. Which also means there will be times we don’t have that knowledge or skill and make mistakes. Some of those mistakes even fall into the category of epic fails.”

 

Gender from the trenches: Amplifying voices from the trans community

Numerous articles.  “Through the authentic stories of trans adults and parents of trans kids, GftT aims to inform as much as inspire. Brought to you by writer, trans advocate, and fierce 'MamaBear' Martie Sirois, GftT invites you to step out of your comfort zone, explore gender, and see beyond the binary.”

 

The gift of language: Learning what it means to be transgender
By Vanessa Nichols. Blog post. Dec 2019.
“Let’s continue to give the gift of passing on definitions and education and language for our trans community. Our entire lives are based off of education and learning and raising awareness. We can do this for our trans loved ones. It’s up to us, allies, to share the language we’ve learned with others who are uninformed. The onus isn’t on the trans community to educate. It’s on us. We know knowledge is power. It was a gift to learn the language I needed to understand my transgender son.”

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Glossary of LBGTQ terms
By Liz Dyer, Founder of Serendipitydodah Home of the Mama Bears. (US)
A glossary of common LGBTQ terms.
                                                                                                  

Having a trans child has made me aware of how desperately the community needs allies
By Molly Mulready. Dec 2020

"Wherever you are and whoever you are, you can make a difference to the life of a trans person by not being a quiet bystander when someone makes a joke at their expense, and by being compassionate if someone tells you they are trans and need support. Many trans people are rejected by their family, and so friends become family, and that could mean you."

 

How to handle family misgendering your child
Sarah Kennedy Coaching. Blog post. (US)
“We know how important names and pronouns are to our LGBTQIA+ youth. We also know the reality that almost every family has at least one person who thinks mislabeling or misgendering your child will “change them” back into the person they were comfortable knowing. What do you do?”

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I’m showing my transgender son unconditional love – Like any parent should
by Nicole Pecoraro. Scary Mommy post. Dec 2020

"If a child has an illness and there is a 50/50 chance they could die, most people in their right mind would take any and all necessary preventative measures given to them by the professionals. But, when a child is perfectly healthy and happens to be born with an identity that is misunderstood and doesn’t align with the 'norm,' some people seem to think they know better than the pros. Than research. Than statistics. They know better than science. 

This experience taught me not only that unconditional love came with restrictions, but also that people who claim they would do anything for you or your child really mean they’d do anything… as long as it doesn’t mean they have to venture outside of their comfort zone. "

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I have a transgender child, and I will keep telling our story until the hate stops
By Amber Leventry. Scary Mommy post. 2017 / Updated 2020

 

I wish I had understood more about trans kids before my son came out
By Vanessa Nichols. Scary Mommy post. Aug 2019.
“The caterpillar to the butterfly analogy certainly applies to our kids, as they become themselves within this amazing, beautiful journey. Their wings spread far and wide. And we, as affirming parents of trans kids, fly right behind them, finding our own wings, navigating a new path with so many unknowns in the beginning of the journey. There’s so much I wish I knew a few years ago and I hope that imparting these key points will assist other parents who might be new here. Here’s what I wish I knew.”

 

Importance of your story as an LGBTQIA+ parent
Sarah Kennedy Coaching. Blog post. (US)
“Your story is important. Your full experience of being a support for yourself and the LGBTQIA+ population is important. A marginalized population cannot make change on its own. We must own our role in becoming educated allies who are emotionally present and ready to support. To those who say it is not our lane, I offer a map to choose a different highway.”

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Lessons I've learned raising a non-binary kid

By Thomas Rademacher.  Jan 23, 2022.

Thomas is the author of Raising Ollie. 

"Since releasing Raising Ollie, I’ve gotten many messages and emails from adults looking for advice on how best to support the young people in their lives. The book is a memoir about parenting and teaching and trying to do both in a way that does more good than harm. It’s not a how-to about anything, because I’m still figuring out how to. I’m not an expert on gender expansive youth (I’ll put a list of those at the bottom), and I’m not even really an expert on raising the one I’ve got. I have, however, learned some lessons while raising Ollie that I think are worth sharing. I thought I’d gather them together for anyone they may help."

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Let me clear up some myths about transgender kids
by Vanessa Nichols. Nov  2018. Updated May 2020.
“I would like to dispel some myths and hopefully even squash some outright dangerous lies.”

 

Letter to a future Mama Bear

By Liz Dyer, founder of Mama Bears.  Oct 2021.  (US)

Liz writes a letter to herself.  "What I wish I had known when my son first came out".

Love is beautiful. And messy.
By Vanessa Nichols. Jan 2019. (Raising a trans child) Blog post.
“We all want to do the very best we can for that person we love. But love isn’t always easy. It’s not a paved road. Love is complex. It’s beautiful. It’s worth every step of the journey.”

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A love letter to my granddaughter (who I knew as my grandson until five weeks ago)
By Maryann Durmer. Dec 2020. (UK)
“As my thoughts and heart transition to embrace this new you, please know one thing isn’t changing ― I love you.”

 

A love letter to my transgender daughter

"Everything I wish I said when she first came out"
By Bridget Sampson, Transgender School. Feb 2021.

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Making a mistake with someone’s name or pronouns

By Sarah Kennedy Coaching.

“When someone makes a name change or pronoun, it is a gift to be given the new ones. You have been entrusted with a piece of themselves so it is not to be taken lightly. Yet we are human and our brains love to work on autopilot. So they will make mistakes now and again. How we handle these mistakes is important.”

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A message for parents of trans kids
By Liz Dyer, Founder of Serendipitydodah Home of the Mama Bears. Jan 2021.
“Being a parent isn’t about doing what is easy. It’s about doing what is best for your child.” Liz gives advice for parents of trans kids.

 

My transgender son’s health depends on inclusive medical providers

By Leslie Lagerstrom. Pride in Practice post.  Oct 2019.   (US)

Leslie has the blog Transparenthood.  “As we walk into the urgent care clinic, my stomach begins to knot. It’s a weekend, and my son has a bloody nose that will not stop. What is a mundane visit for most people is not for us, because my son is transgender. As we check in, uncomfortable memories of previous interactions with medical professionals wash over me. We have been at this for 15 years, but we are still never sure what to expect when we visit a doctor’s office.

Our LGBT health care resources have been viewed by thousands of providers, patients, and community members. From providers and students, to patients and their families, Pride in Practice’s educational materials have made a real impact on LGBT patient health."

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An open letter to moms struggling to support their trans child
By Vanessa Nichols. May 2020. Blog post.
“So, your child threw you for a loop, came out as trans recently? Or maybe not so recently. I know you’re scared. That’s fear under every single statement and thought above. It’s fear. Recognize it as such. It’s new, it’s foreign, it’s big, it’s scary. And if your child is transgender, it might mean that their life will be so.much.harder. And that feels big and scary. My trans son tried to tell me from the time he could talk that he was a boy. I didn’t believe him. For years.
But they sure are their own people, after all. They’re never that imaginary person in our minds. They are them. And a piece of them might just be that they were assigned the wrong gender at birth. A piece of them might just be that they’re transgender. Because it’s really scary. And confusing. We’ve known that there’s no manual for motherhood, but this wasn’t even on your radar.”

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The process of coming out: A parent’s journey
By Vanessa Nichols. Feb 2019. Blog post.
“We essentially come out with our kids in many ways. We have our own process to reconcile. Our story is important. We can empower other parents walking this path, helping them to continue to affirm trans youth, who obviously become trans adults. So we can start by letting our children be who they are. We are in a position of empowerment to amplify the conversation as frontline allies. We need to tell our stories, too, for ourselves, for other parents, and for our kids’ health. I’m here, with my transgender son, loud and proud. My story matters because I made a lot of mistakes. And I hope someone learns from them.”

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​Sage advice from Mama Bear Liz Dyer (founder of Mama Bears) 

"It's not uncommon for parents of trans kids to wonder if their kid, who has come out to them as a trans person, is "really" a trans person. Parents often share many reasons with me why they have doubts and it's not that these parents I'm talking to are unsupportive - these are very supportive parents who are having trouble believing their kid is really a trans person because their kid didn't "show any signs" before they came out, or because their kid is not dressing the way they think a trans boy/man or trans girl/woman would dress, or because their kid is not saying what they expect a trans person to say about the way they feel.

    Here's what I have been learning over the last few years from trans people, science and gender specialists:"

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Secrets in the LGBTQIA+ family
Sarah Kennedy Coaching.  Blog post.  (US)
“We are a place of safety and belonging for our children. But in order to provide that space, we must also provide it for ourselves. To support our children, we must also support ourselves. And in order for our children to go forth in their bravery without shame, we must learn the skills of bravery and rid ourselves of our own shame.”

She invented the gender reveal party. She has some regrets.
By Allison Hope.  July 2019.  (US)
“The child Jenna Karvunidis welcomed with a pink-frosted cake is now ten and prefers to wear suits."

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Transparenthood (blog)
Experiences raising a transgender child

2011-2018.

"I am not a writer. I am an executive (who has a social worker’s heart!) and a wife who happens to have a CIS son and a transgender son. Along with helping me digest my thoughts, I simply hope this helps some other parents out there who are on a similar journey. If your world is similar to mine, I’d love for you to comment and share! (Side note – I write on topics when I think about them so these posts are not exactly in chronological order! You may read about some of my recent experiences and then…BAM!…you’ll read about experiences from a few years ago!)”

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What I wish I knew before my child came out as transgender
By Vanessa Nichols. Aug 2019. Blog post.
“They say that when your trans child transitions, the parents transition, too. And those words are so very, very true. …There’s so much I wish I knew a few years ago and I hope that imparting these key points will assist other parents who might be new here.”

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What does it mean to be transgender?

By Sarah Kennedy Coaching.

“Humans are mean making machines. Our brains are wired for safety and seeking clarity. In order to find that safety, our brains will assign meaning where it isn’t necessarily there. By generating meaning, we create a sense of certainty and comfort. So let’s dive in to see what meaning is real versus the meaning that we may be self generating about the word transgender.“

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What I wish everyone knew about raising a transgender child

You can’t change who they are, but you can listen with love and curiosity, and affirm what they are telling you

By Sara Kaplan. Submission to Medium, Aug 13, 2021. (US)

"As a parent, it is important to remember the time before they were born, or before you met them, when your sole wish was for a happy and healthy child. No parent knows what the future holds — who their child will love, or who will love them. However, when raising a transgender child, we feel tremendous pressure to answer every question that might arise. But all we can do is follow our kid’s lead, and listen and love them along the way."

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What NOT to say to parents of trans kids…And what we’d say back, if we had the guts
By Bridget Sampson, Transgender School. Gender from the Trenches, Jul 2020. (US)

What to do when your kid comes out as transgender – From a mom who’s been there
By Bridget Sampson, Transgender School. Gender from the Trenches, Apr 2019. (US)
 

When will we listen to trans people?
By Vanessa Nichols. Blog post. Oct 2019.
“Many people don’t understand why I bother engaging in these online arguments. And the answer: because allies have to. We have to speak up more. It’s our duty to elevate the existence of trans people.”

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Why parents of trans kids are a special kind of tired
By Vanessa Nichols. Sep 2018. Blog post.
“Yes. All parents walking the earth are tired. We are all absolutely in solidarity with that fact. We could all use about a week on a deserted island without any children, technology, or responsibilities of any kind. But I feel the need to tell you about the special kind of tired that parents of transgender kids are experiencing. It’s different than most versions of tired.”

 

Your transgender child needs a therapist — And so do you
“The importance of your mental health should not be underestimated”
By Zada Kent.  Gender from the Trenches, July 25, 2020

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